And the 4th Wise Man Brought the Gift of Beverages

All appearances of industry and eagerness aside, you can always tell the lazy asses in the office based on their level of participation in various office events and potlucks. There will be the over-achieving up and comers who volunteer to plan the event, cook filet mignon, bake desserts from scratch or other such nauseating displays of Type-A-ness. And then there will be those who volunteer to bring cups: that person is your lazy ass. Perhaps lazy ass is a bit harsh, but as a fellow “cup bringer” I can say there is an element of pride in getting out of the office hoo-hah with the least amount of exertion or inconvenience. I practice it like an art form. So when the dreaded office pot luck email finally arrived from my boss, I quickly scanned the list for the easiest possible way out.

• “Help plan an activity or festive game” Umm no thank you.

• “Set up and decoration” Yeah not likely. Had clean up been on there I might have taken the bait but decorating is not my gig.

• “Bring something tasty to eat” Now here’s where there’s some definite gray area assuming its kosher to stop off at the local bakery/grocery retailer of your choice to grab something pre-made. However, this can blow up in your face if you find your dish of plastic tub brownies placed next to homemade chocolate hazelnut truffles or other such fanciness. Then you look like the loser who stopped at the store and the other person looks like Martha F-ing Stewart.

• “Drinks” BINGO! Everyone gets thirsty and appreciates a cooling beverage, even in winter. The drink bringer is truly a hero to all.

Now one might not think that someone who commutes to work via bike would BINGO at the idea of bringing drinks: liquid is heavy. And now you realize how much of a lazy ass Grinch I truly am. So last night at the latest of possible hours, I set out to find drinks. At the suggestion of my wife I did bring ingredients that could be mixed in a cup to give the appearance of some type of flavorful (though alcohol free), yummy punch. Not to be perceived as too much of a slack-ass I also grabbed some festive, holiday chocolates…they were not homemade.

This morning I broke out both panniers, dueling expedition Ortliebs, and jammed them full of my tools of secular holiday merriment: four large bags of candy and a couple two liter bottles of white fizzy drink and juice. The extra weight on the bike really was extra weight off my shoulders knowing I had fulfilled my duty at yet such a ‘cheap’ price of effort. Not to mention, the extra weight gave me a nice push down the hill towards Pierce. (I had to do a bit of climbing to get up Pierce and up the street to our office so it wasn’t all roses and coasting.) Completely worth it though, to not be the person planning a “fun activity” for 3 dozen grown adults who really just want a snack and to get back to work. I left that task to one of the other burgeoning over-achievers on the management team. She succeeded admirably and I contributed fizzy juice drinks which no one really drank as fizzy juice drinks but what the heck do I care? I got a bit of an extra work out schlepping drinks around, the party ended 10 minutes early, and for a work “party,” in my book, that is a rousing success. Ho-ho…ho-hum.