Bike Whine

My fellow bike blog compatriot at Rules of the Amateur UnPro Cyclist posted a lament this afternoon prompted apparently by the nagging whine of some other rider’s gritty, grimy chain. This too is a peeve of mine hearkening back to my anal retentive nature and mindfulness of the need to care for one’s gear. As one who for several years was a pretty serious (read fanatical…to the point of sickness) rock climber, care of one’s gear can mean the difference between safety and a busted skull. You respect the rope and in turn it tries to keep you from returning to earth in Icarus like fashion. Similarly, you respect your bike and it will in turn provide you with a nearly free, simple, enjoyable means of transportation and recreation for years.

Yesterday on one of my lunch runs I ran past a bike in dire straits. Even with my ears crammed with buds and music coursing through my head I could hear the discernable squeal of a bike crying out for help even before I could see it. The clueless rider, out for some “serious miles” on the bike path carelessly wobbled his way past, squeaking the entire way down the trail. I should have said something. I should have intervened. Its like watching someone beat a child…you should do something shouldn’t you?

First and foremost, isn’t the sound annoying!?! It annoys me, why wouldn’t it annoy you? Now I suppose I might be a bit of an extremist in this regard; perhaps a bit uptight. If my bike so much as creaks under duress I’m annoyed, let alone riding for miles with incessant creaking and grinding. But do these chain grinders not know there’s this magic thing called an old t-shirt and its best friend Mr. Lube…not that kind of lube, though the result is quite similar. Just wipe the chain and pulleys…make sure to wipe the grime forming on the pulley wheels…and a touch of lube. Not ‘its time to get busy’ lube, just a thin coating will do; then wipe off any excess. Voila, or as they say in the movies: silence is golden.

While I’m whining about the whine, can I tell you that another one of my annoyances is people who ride in TT (aero) bars when:

A. not on a TT bike
B. not in an aero position
C. on the bike path

To these specimens I must ask:  what do you think you are gaining from leaning out on your TT bars when you’ve got a 12 degree rise on that stem? And your seat is lower than your handlebars? And you look like a tool? And you can’t steer that bike no matter how comfortable you may feel…so grip the damn handlebars before you kill all of us! I suppose that’s all I have to say about that topic. So in conclusion, remember these formulas for aero bar success:

TT bars + TT bike = Good
TT bars + Aero = Good
TT bars + Aero + An Actual TT = Ideal

TT bars + Hybrid = Disaster for humanity you tripathalete wannabe
TT bars + TT bike + Bike path = Your 15mph bike path TT effort won’t get you anywhere. You’re not impressing anyone, least of all me, nor that hot chick out for a run, nor the old people walking their dog. We all voted and think you need a new hobby. Get off our island, the tribe has spoken.  Go ride on the street or around a reservoir somewhere.