Of Wolves and Buffalos

Last weekend as part of the failed Primal/First Bank training camp we rode north west out of Denver up to Boulder for “Super Flag.” I didn’t get an exact count but I think at our peak the ride easily included 20+ riders from our team and a handful of riders from other teams. With such a presence on the roadways we attracted the attention and ire of many of the motorists we passed. At times I must admit I even felt uncomfortable traveling in the group, the presence of erratically passing cars and speeding motorists (not to mention the flurry of bicyclists) transformed the roadway into uncomfortably close quarters. This weekend I opted to ride alone, and found myself traveling many of the same roadways covered last weekend. Not an incident to speak of or report. No senior citizens to yell at, no truck exhaust filling the lungs. No fly by’s or shouts from teenage dumbasses in their Too Fast Too Furious mobiles…or mommy’s SUV. Was there simply less traffic?--perhaps. I left my home earlier than last week which might have had something to do with it, though the weather today was nicer and I think more folks were out and about. So what changed?

The only difference I could think of was that I was alone; one cyclist on the road as opposed to 25. Could this really be the distinguishing factor: numbers? The more I pedaled and contemplated this phenomenon the more it made sense to me on some levels. Pleasantly left to my own devices my thoughts drifted to the Buffalo. The buffalo is a large, strong beast but one inclined to idle the day in a field, consuming resources and producing methane. These lumbering giants congregate in huge herds and move about all day long prowling the landscape eating, pooping, mating and butting heads with each other. From the openness of the prairie they can easily spot predators from afar and stampede the life out of them if needed. Its kind of a brute, monotonous existence but one that works for the buffalo (until we showed up on the continent and blasted them all…but that’s not my point.) My point is: motorists are much like buffalos.

Since cyclists appear to cause buffalos so much consternation and angst, cyclists must then be more akin to wolves. A lone wolf, as I was today, roaming the wide open prairie in isolation is hardly a threat to the lumbering, buffalo, motorist herd. Even when on more remote, wooded lanes or curvy mountain routes one wolf is still not a significant threat to a herd of buffalos. But generally it is in the cyclist’s nature to not travel in solitude but rather to seek the power and strength of the pack. The buffalo knows this and deep down fears it. With one cyclist the herd remains calm, perhaps a watchful eye fixed in the direction of the wolf but they feel more comfortable giving wide berth when passing and thus move on with their big, stupid existences with ease and less stress. With a pack of wolves however it is a different story. Haven’t you ever noticed that pel-e-ton sounds eerily familiar to bring-it-on.  Because peleton secretly means: buffalo I’ve come to hunt you and take you home as a trophy to my family….its French though so the translation isn’t quite literal. This is no surprise to the buffalo, they expect as much, and thus from the congregation of cunning and strength found in the cyclist pack arises an implicit danger to the buffalo. Although larger and stronger pound for pound, buffalo know to be afraid of a pack of wolves (or consider elephants and tigers or rhinos and lions, there are plenty of other examples). The heightened tensions arise from the knowledge that a pack of wolves can easily cut through a herd of buffalos, separate out the weak, frail or stupid and devour them whole. I’ve seen a pack of cyclists eat an entire F-350...its both grotesque and beautiful at the same time like something out of National Geographic. Sensing this fate the motorist, upon seeing a pack of cyclists roving the hills, reacts with a preservationist instinct exemplified by behavior such as: yelling, incorrectly citing traffic law, hoof stomping and drive-by buzzing. These displays are intended to prevent the inevitability of attack.

Does this posturing work?--not really. It makes the buffalo motorist look like an ass. I’ve often wondered what type of thoughts were rolling through the empty skulls of driver’s who deem it necessary and prudent to closely buzz a group of cyclists: now I’ve found my answer. It is pretty much, "Uh...duh...duh...cud...buffalo...cud...chew...grunt...stomp...stomp...bike." In any case, these are the types of thoughts one can have when left to calmly ride around the countryside enjoying the road and serenity of one’s head. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen too often with such lack of disturbances from the herd. It is a shame that the level of ease and comfort I enjoyed today is not often experienced when riding with my friends. As a wolf, I’m a pack animal by nature, and while it is sometimes nice to go off by oneself, it is more fun riding in a group. If only we could just get the buffalos to chill the hell out.